BECOMING MY OWN LANGUAGE

TRUE

2008-02-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

True
by Rebecca Susan Lemke

A heart aflame
rotates
around its sparks
ignites and demands
the right to expand in
every direction.

Guided by dreams cut free,
power
peace
a key of laughter.

A world of
worth exists to be awakened,
a curve that stretches
on and on
is lucid and flexible
in true radiance
sun and moon in cycles
natural beauty
true nature
heart
a beat and it's loud
connects to all.

Motion in Body Heat

2008-02-09T15:16:00.000-08:00

I want somebody

to find inspiration

in the

curves and

bonelines of my body

I want to

be absorbed acknowledged as

ripe and evenly shaped

I want to be picked out.

It is the day light that

purifies

my skin white yellow pink

I motion in body heat

I heat up

I stir warmth and hold it

compacted

Connection

2008-01-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

Am I any better for softness
judging that this is empathy,
to offer up the perception that
I'm completely soft?
It may be safer for me to collide,
to melt my walls of space.

Let me burn indifferently.
My solid faith,
it's engulfing me,
new and yet always going to be the same.

I feel I am partly becoming an
end embracing the end of anything
bending roots, snapping them,
chased constantly through my beginnings.

Open Space

2008-01-27T02:18:00.000-08:00

Open Space
Being self-repairing.
Fragile.
Mended.
Then being caught up.
Blaze-inspired, it
isn't mocking my life.
Rather, it's atonement for
carrying around open empty
spaces, spaces that reveal.

Some days
prod on forever aware,
but need nurturing.

pressure catalysts

2008-01-04T17:04:00.000-08:00

This year has been such a revival in consciousness from me, not even three years ago I was really lost and despairing after some terrible health issues, seeding through bad relationships, a couple traumatic instances, all the total and utter depletion of my ego to say the least. All of it washed away every thing I knew about people and myself and from there I had to build myself up by keeping what was important to me very, very close to my heart and remembering that I was worth what I needed to heal my heart.

I feel that yes, somethings in this world are impersonalized in this civilized social way, but this wouldn't be something for anyone that wanted to skim my surface impersonally. I've read blogs that were spot on with what I felt but never rearranged into words that made me sit at the edge of my seat and be glad people can know their selfs too, and talk about what they are feeling with the rest of world hoping to catch the attention of people that would care.

I feel that the things that people collect about their selfs, the comments they pile up in their heads, the good or bad way they feel when they see their reflections really have this impact of stealing the spotlight of life's energy altogether. All that can pretend to be part of a person intimately. What I discovered, when not resisting that I have a natural disposition aside from what I deducted by what people say or how they treat me, is that everyone deserves the best and when they know that they treat everyone better.

Pain is something that I wouldn't dwell on needlessly when there is a chance to be happy, it should be expressed and channeled through something like art or intimacy with people. In the case that there is a ton of pain to the point of a traumatic leashing out, and this was what I felt like mainly writing about since it's been in my thoughts, pain piles up. It piles up and it piles up and it piles up more after that and all those things people ever said or those negative patterns learned through life that are self destructed have the potential to be catalyzed with that pressure if they are owned and maturity is reached. Yes, I think pain can heal old wounds when it's acknowledged, accepted and brought into a full understanding of knowing that you are worth everything you need. After that acceptance it's just like slowly edging yourself through a dark tunnel feeling everything that was pushed down until it's less. That is the mystery of how suffering can bring forth a clarity of mind and heart and a healthy body. The body pays attention to what each person brings to it and feels towards it.

Pain can be the catalyst that brings a person to snatch up what they desire after being humbled or yielded for a long time . After knowing what it felt like to not even be remotely close to having peace, the act of desiring in itself is encoded into every cell of the body like it's etched itself so deep in memory, and it's not like the act of getting what I ever need and deserve after knowing how the conscoiusness bends with what a person can physically take could be ignored for anything. I'll always remember what my threshold bore.

The Influential Vessel

2008-01-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

The Influential Vessel
by Rebecca Lemke

I was reading about the many philosophers that have influenced the concepts of today and paused for a moment to retract in how interesting it must be to use your brain as a tool and be onto something. Now, collectively, I know it's really easy to be onto many "somethings" -especially by mixing together intentions with attention inside the silence of an open and focused blank slate of a mind; I was thinking more along the lines of pure originality of all the intellectual pioneers that came along and changed things during heavy transitional eras through time. I think that they were probably born with this inner stirring, like maybe they went through life
constantly baffled on how something unjust could possibly exist and beneath their skin felt the motivation to do something growing while they waited for the chance to make a difference.

While I don't know if I can entirely relate to a philosopher I also don't know how each philosopher was different and how they entertained their minds, like if what they were passionate about most of all was the kicker to jump start their reasoning powers or if it was maybe something that just irritated them that they wanted to prove wrong. I think that people are driven nonetheless, no matter what interests them, towards what they pay attention to and how many perspectives they step inside.

If a fixation turns to an addiction it's easy to use that same built up tension around a learned pattern of behavior to erase the same fixation. I did it a ton using built up fixations with transitions. Like for ever I was a chain smoker and I quit a few times but I kept telling myself things like: it was easy to channel feelings through a cigarette, smokers were just more laid back to be around, smoking was flirty and mixed in with body language well etc. Then over a year ago I had just had it and the tension I was causing myself by being a slave to addiction as it started matching this inner tension I was getting from smoking in the first place, like not even getting off from any buzz ever because I knew there was nothing keeping stuck to the things I thought about it anymore. There was nothing so intimate to keep up the addiction in myself when I wanted to chill. People can be cool beyond it. So I quit and forget that I ever smoked these days most of the time. It was the same with the emotional kick from hardcore partying- there was nothing left to prove there respect wise ever when it came to how my heart was dead set on finding real people to talk to on a regular basis to transcend the real reasons I wanted to party so much. In general it is a good thing to take down notes of personal credit as you overcome things so you don't forget how much it sucked and how you are better than it.

I wanted to write about those examples in my life to draw in this circle of clarity to what I'm now understanding: there can be a lot that looks like it fills up my life and it can keep me busy, but it's easier to start stripping away all the things that are "extra" going outside of who I am like judgments and being defensive since that takes up vitality and brain juice. It's fun to stop sometimes and just fall in love with the things that are natural and don't hide behind masks in this world.

In ending my little hunt for perspective today I want to say that people are like empty vessels that are connected to each other at the very basis of simply existing and it's really terribly easy to effect one another in many ways and fill up with different things unconsciously. It starts out with intentions and attention, like looking at some one and deciding if you are going to see them as the same for merely being another human too, or if something drives you to get something out of the experience that isn't there in the present moment necessarily there because it's presently buried in your mind. It's possible to be going along with change and looking for
opportunities like an open- minded free spirit that is trying to get the most out of experiencing life or to build a zillion walls that don't have human attributes, but fill up the mind by shape shifting the ego like real human intimate layers might.

I believe that people can choice how they are going to relate to each other and they take it from there in a way that can either circle around personal power, creatively and destructively gearing itself with the buttons of built up responses to experiences waiting to be pushed, or they can relate to real traits like honesty and openness, beauty, sensuality and creativity and decide to consciously keep feeding that each time they see each other from where those things exist inside of them as strong points of attraction. It builds a total momentum for what is going to be experienced and related to. I can't say with emotionality what others will ever think of me, but I can control what goes in and out of my head and know that if I remember things like having built up my character all my life I can say that I expect more out of people as I watch what I project and am responsible for it

The Unfolding Universe

2008-01-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

The Unfolding Universe
by Rebecca Susan Lemke

I became my own spectacle in doubt

half-surprised and very willing to guess

each step of each day with fire in my eyes.

I bolt, cemented in fixed energy I rearrange myself

until I can move and bend.

I am both surprised and expecting, needing what I need, feeling what I do.

I reached and expanded owing myself chance. ~Me